


The animal and the god

by satisfiction



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Consent, Erwins POV, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Not Beta Read, sex but somewhat implicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28367961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satisfiction/pseuds/satisfiction
Summary: A timelaps-y take on Erwin trying to get closer to Levi without scaring him away.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	The animal and the god

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Das Tier und der Gott](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28369074) by [Satisfiktion (satisfiction)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/satisfiction/pseuds/Satisfiktion). 



Inhuman. Like animals, they live down here in the dirt. His blade flashes on the man's neck – why are his eyes so fascinating? – As his team pushes the other two into place. Is this what's left of humanity down here, without the disciplining hand of civilization? What might become of this wild child, tamed...?

–

His words are harsh but necessary. And surprising, because – since when does it hurt in his chest to say them? In general, even the sight of the little man, kneeling in the blood of his friends, which mixes with that of the Titan, also hurts. He averts his eyes and drives his gelding past it.

–

As if he had picked up the only reason for his existence with him from the road, the wild child – _Levi_ – is always behind him at some point. When Erwin, his heart almost in his throat, pushes himself up out of the mud because his horse has fallen, and it suddenly rains titan guts because Levi is a goddamn dancer in the air and cuts up the titan so that the dead body hits in front of and behind Erwin instead of on him. When he's standing behind him, next to the other squad leaders, because Erwin is promoted to commander – why the hell can he _sense_ Levi's satisfied expression? When Levi comes into his office late at night without a word because he has nightmares too and can't sleep and sits on the windowsill with his arms wrapped around his knees and reading all those documents suddenly becomes peaceful. 

–

Their cooperation is efficient, successful, and professional. Erwin is not an idiot and knows exactly what effect Levi has on him when he steps into the barracks cursing over the dirt and his soaked shirt sticks to his skin. When he rebukes the young recruits, brusquely, to keep them at a distance, to make it easier. When he flies. He suspects he has a similar effect on Levi. He senses Levi's stares, at night when he pores over documents with his sleeves rolled up and his hair a mess. He knows full well that sometimes, in the wee hours of the morning, he'll startle up at his desk, and Levi will have moved his documents to safety and spread a coat over him. How Levi's hands shake at his back, this one time when he gets caught in that shower of debris and must be bandaged while still in the field. But as obvious as the signs are – he's not a commander for nothing – it's just as impossible for him to take the initiative. Of course, there are strict fraternization regulations, made for weaker people who are incapable of keeping their feelings out of their decisions. But he's been in politics long enough to know that rules don't matter if you can keep up appearances of following them. The rules don't stop him. But when he's sitting at his desk, and Levi is standing in front of him looking at him, he's clear: if he asked Levi to get down on his knees and suck his dick under the desk at that moment, he would. But he doesn't want to catch a bird out of the sky. So, there's nothing left to do but reach out, and wait. And occasionally – hot water on his back and breathing fast, Levi's face in front of his closed eyes – the one question that he – fuck, doesn't humanity depend on his intelligence? – can't answer. Why doesn't he come? 

–

"...and that's why the guy with the hole in his skull who died from the botched operation is considered the first indication of civilization. So, it's not inhuman to saw holes in titan skulls, it's progress! A step toward a new age!" Hange gestures so violently at these words that peas rain down across the table. 

"Oi, four-eyes. Clean that up, or you'll have a hole in your skull next." Erwin must laugh. 

–

They stand on the wall, gazing at the horizon. Wild geese pass overhead. 

"If it was all over. What would you do then?" asks Erwin, looking at the low sun.

"Find you," Levi says, without hesitation, and Erwin isn't sure they're talking about the same _when it's all over_. 

–

The fever has subsided, the stump throbs. 

"Why the hell are you smiling?" Erwin forces his face back into a neutral expression. But Levi looks like something inside him broke. 

–

In the evening, Hange sits by his bedside, reading papers to him, because he certainly won't stop, not now. Levi has not come back. Hange realizes he is unfocused and lowers the sheets. 

"Give him some time. That's got him cold. You're like a god to him, and you don't wound gods." And suddenly it all makes sense because you probably don't sleep with a god either. He lets his head sink against the wall. He almost asks Hange to bring Levi in so they can talk, and he can finally focus again, but who is he to take a bird from the sky? 

–

Erwin stares at his formation idea, which he has cobbled together on his desk from scraps of paper and inkwell lids and empty jars – Levi is in recruit training. He twirls the bar of soap in his hand that Levi slapped on his desk along with a cleaning rag at the beginning of their working relationship, and that he doesn't use for cleaning, not to use it up because it smells like Levi. He would be most effective on the right front, but safer on the left. Hesitation. Then he places it on the right. He rests his head in his hand, massaging his temple, looking at the formation, breathing in the smell of the soap. 

–

When the door to his office finally opens again, and Levi's small form slides in, Erwin is surprised. Thought he had lost him. But everything is as usual, Levi stays behind him. His Levi, who cleans his office without being asked – _because you pig don't_ –, puts tea on his desk when he forgets to drink because of all the work. Tells him about the day with the recruits – _that brat Eren has picked a fight with the horse-face again_. Puts a hand on his shoulder quietly when he feels he's in over his head, can't make it because Levi – apparently the only one – can read him. They don't talk about it. 

–

Erwin stares at the ceiling. Why has Levi come back? Has he forgiven him, accepted that he is nothing more than a phony, a stone-cold egotist who happens to be blessed with a superior intellect? Or – both much worse and much more likely – did he simply not know where else to go with himself? He won't be able to sleep anyway, so he clamps a few papers between his teeth and heads for his office. Apparently, he didn't lock it, because Levi is asleep, slumped on his desk, between a dust ruffle and a pile of neatly stacked reports. Erwin lights a candle, spreads his jacket over him and sits down on the windowsill to read. 

–

He returns from the ultimate gamble, beaten green and blue, victorious. Levi avoids looking at him until they are back in his office, after Historia's coronation ceremony, somehow rehabilitated, exhausted. Such a strangely artificial occasion. Erwins uniform seems too tight. He struggles to take it off one-handed. Levi helps him. He feels Levi's warm breath on his chest. Then his hands on the buttons of his shirt. Erwin becomes quiet, not wanting to scare Levi away. Levi's hands slide over his chest, push the shirt aside. He hears Levi inhale heavily. His fingers tickle a little, but Erwin holds still. Watches Levi as he slides his fingers past the welts, the burns. Levi keeps his head lowered, hair over his forehead, wanting to hide his expression. He slips the shirt off his shoulders and hangs it with the jacket. Walks around him, fingers feather-light on his back. Finally, Levi drops his fingers and helps him back into the shirt. He leaves without a word, without looking at Erwin, but not without squeezing his hand. Firm grip, warm. His thumb strokes the back of Erwin's hand. Outside on the windowsill, a blackbird sings. 

–

"Maybe I'd have a tea store, Levi says.

"That sounds nice," Erwin says.

"What about you, old man?"

"A house in the country, maybe, where people leave you alone. Maybe a family..." 

"Sounds like shit," Levi says, but the edge of his hand touches Erwin's and – wow, wait, is that a smile?

–

The basement draws closer and Erwin feels the excitement boiling up in his veins, but at the same time wishes he could keep Levi out. If he ordered him to stay, he would. He is a god in Levi's world. And a basement is nothing for a bird after all... But then, his smile. Maybe forcing him to stay would be worse.

–

They talk about the upcoming mission and Levi says a lot of highly rational things – _so that's why he came_ – even threatens him a little, but all Erwin hears is _stay_. And Levi is so desperate, it hurts so much, but he can't help it, he must get into that basement, but Levi can't risk his life for the wrong reasons, and Erwin doesn't want to be a god anymore. 

"Is it that important to you? More important than your legs?" 

"Yes." 

"More important than the victory of mankind?"

"Yes." It's nothing but the truth. And he sees it in Levi's eyes, as he understands. But then a small miracle happens, and Levi says:

"Erwin. I trust you." The door slams shut, and Erwin collapses on the desk and cries. Finally, he pulls himself back together – commander, damn it, wipe across the face – out of the office, back on his feet, opens the door, and Levi stands there frozen, hand level with the handle. Standing where he _must have heard him_. Erwin stares at him completely overwhelmed for the first time in his life, but Levi pulls him close, lets his forehead sink against his chest. Puts his hands around Erwin's jaw, tilts his head – has he been crying, too? – waits. Erwin nods. And Levi kisses him, wild and hot and right. At last, he has come to him.

–

Erwin sits leaning far back, breathing heavily in his chair, while Levi sinks up and down on his lap. He brushes a sweaty strand of hair out of his forehead.

"Why the fuck did it take us so long to do this?" And Erwin wants to answer something about the nature of human relationships and trust and the fear of violating personal boundaries, but Levi moves in a way that makes the words dry up in his throat and only a low groan escape. Levi lets his forehead sink to Erwin's. His lips are everywhere. He has never missed his arm so much. 

"I would follow you to hell," Levi says. Erwin grabs his waist and pushes against him, nestling deeper into him, Levi's back flexes, and Erwin wishes they could be even closer. This is a terrible idea, one of them will die, leaving the other wounded. But – Levi's dark eyes – it's already too late. He presses his hand over his eyes. Levi takes it, kisses his palm. 

"Oi, Erwin. Don't do that." Levi has stopped moving. Confused, he looks up at Levi. Another man would probably be intimidated by Levi's expression.

"Don't start repenting because of me. I'll break your legs after all, and the next round you'll be blubbering like a little son of a bitch. But I won't show any mercy, so think it over." And Erwin kisses him, with everything he's got. A strange thought of skulls with holes and a group of early humans risking it all to save one of their own flutters through his head. Is this civilization?

–

Screams, blood. Erwin stares into the chaos. He's close, _so close..._ Levi says something about killing the beast titan, sacrificing himself, allowing them to escape, but he won't. _So that's what the fraternization regulations are good for..._ He guesses he's just human after all. He looks at Levi, and it hurts. He knows what to do, but to speak out about the plan would seal his death. He chose death, a long time ago. But only now does he understand how hard it is. So short, so close to the truth. How many of his comrades has he done this to as well?

–

The weight almost crushes him, he must sit down, the box creaks under him. He can't decide, _he can't,_ he– Levi sinks to his knees before him. 

"I'll decide for you." Time slows, and for a moment, it's just Levi and him. A tiny fear that Levi, his strong, selfless Levi, wants to sacrifice himself for his basement door. Because he's not sure he'd have the strength to refuse.

"Sacrifice your dream and die." The weight falls from his shoulders. This time Levi doesn't turn his face away, Erwin sees the pain and realizes that Levi has decided in destructive selflessness and told him what he wanted to hear. A smile. No god, no demon, right? So, in Levi's opinion, the only opinion that matters, he is – finally – simply human. 

"Levi. Thank you." Hopefully, _hopefully_ , all humans go to the same place after they die. 

–

He's scared, but his soldiers are raging, screaming, fighting. For his humanity. The stone squeezes the air from his lungs, shreds his side, flings him from the saddle. His body screams, irreparably damaged, his life boils and bubbles out of him, he grows cold. Above him, the blue sky, streaked with columns of green smoke, his handiwork. Was he a good commander? A good man?

–

Someone moves him, why do they do that? It hurts. 

–

Faces of his comrade’s flicker through the blackness. Is that real? Is that Hange’s voice?

–

His hand shoots up. 

"How can we be sure that no people live outside the walls?" His father looks at him in surprise. His face billows, deforms, becomes that of a titan.

"How can we be sure humans are living inside the walls?" he retorts. 

–

Trains of refugees sacrificed for the survival of the majority, dungeons, aristocrats, thousands of sheets of paper. Cannons, glowing irons, fear, pain. Horses, fluttering capes. Walls, to the horizon. What may lay beyond?

–

Is that blue sky? Levi's face. He looks in another direction. He is cold, blackness creeps into his field of vision, but his heart is warm. No animals, no gods. Only people. He loves humanity, after all. And there he is, with him, at this moment. Levi, his Levi, his wild child, the most human of all. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is only my second fic, feel welcome to help me improve. Hope you enyojed it :)


End file.
